I'm semi-aimless and happy (kinda) today :) seen some changes in people,good changes, not too much to my advantage but still :) besides that I've made some more sucky 'vicious circle' type observations....
I've noticed that during exam time, some mutual 'study groups' are always formed, some by begging a person better at a subject, and some just out of of mutual understanding...and during this course...there is so much lying and conniving going on it's mind boggling, one group would lie to an individual or individuals about their whereabouts and study timings so that the individual(s) do not come and interrupt their studies by 'showing up' and disturbing them.....so many of us 'individuals' are left out roaming like idiots because of our reputation...i mean, it would be fine if we were just honest with each other, but that doesn't really happen, and would be kind of awkward if it did, not many people can pull of such coldness, hehe...and don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming anyone, because sometimes I'm part of the..er..'group' too ;-) so it is indeed, a vicious circle...so you see, we're all part of the 'world' as they say, and it's ways penetrate the best of us...we're usually not left any choice, gotta do this for the greater good...
now, the other thing, i had been showering at a friend's place because the 'bath system' at my tiny temporary disgusting apartment sucks, cold water, no 'shower' and a cramped environment...and that guy let me, he did express some dislike when he thought our boxers got mixed up (they didn't,it was a funny misunderstanding) and even more when i slipped and fell on his sink, breaking it in the process (not even his, his roommate's) so the next time i showed u at his place (by now i had taken it for granted that he 'doesn't mind') he told me pretty diplomatically that it was 'enough' and stuff and he doesn't want me to take bath there anymore...so, i was kind a disappointed but not upset, coz it was ok, it wasn't exactly a necessity, i was just doing it coz i could...so, it was good that said friend gathered up the balls to tell me not to :) saying 'no' is an important skill...i don't exactly look like a person people want to deny stuff (i really don't mind though, like another friend almost very correctly said, i hardly get upset!!)people are always trying to be diplomatic, and this too is another vicious circle and again i sound like a hypocrite because even i cannot say no to people...life would be much easier if i could, I'm just trying to survive in this world man, cut me some slack (everybody deserves to be cut some slack, but we all suck at that too) im not a saint, but neither is anybody else...there are so many needs of the world you have to fulfill, you have to be helpful, borderline empathic (they all expect you to show oodles of empathy, but they show a bare minimum of it themselves) and 'normal' enough for the world to accept you, if i could, i would shun all 'extra' obligations and friends, sit at home (my nice new 'private' home, not the one with the roommates)...eat..sleep...come only for classes....and communicate only via facebook or something...but that's how 'social life' takes you away from this awkward stunted vision...you want to come around after college, listen to bullshit spoken by people...gotta see certain people...need the company of some people you like and people you have become too used to, indulge in certain activities that are entertaining (movies, gaming)...you gotta somehow have good clothes and also figure out a way to wear them well so that the world doesn't call you an 'uncivilized freak', some people are able to carry of that look, me too sometimes, but it's nice to dress slightly attractively sometimes :) makes ya feel nice...why? because you know it's raising people's opinion of you, we're all made of other people's opinions at the end of the day.....
random thought: do you need, all that companionship that you're all so proud to have?? "ooh i have so many friends, they love me so much" are you really proud of all our friends?? or are most of them there just to passively use you while you're under the impression of 'being cared for'...?? ?
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Now playing: Yeah yeah yeahs - They don't love you like I love you
via FoxyTunes
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