I'm semi-aimless and happy (kinda) today :) seen some changes in people,good changes, not too much to my advantage but still :) besides that I've made some more sucky 'vicious circle' type observations....
I've noticed that during exam time, some mutual 'study groups' are always formed, some by begging a person better at a subject, and some just out of of mutual understanding...and during this course...there is so much lying and conniving going on it's mind boggling, one group would lie to an individual or individuals about their whereabouts and study timings so that the individual(s) do not come and interrupt their studies by 'showing up' and disturbing them.....so many of us 'individuals' are left out roaming like idiots because of our reputation...i mean, it would be fine if we were just honest with each other, but that doesn't really happen, and would be kind of awkward if it did, not many people can pull of such coldness, hehe...and don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming anyone, because sometimes I'm part of the..er..'group' too ;-) so it is indeed, a vicious circle...so you see, we're all part of the 'world' as they say, and it's ways penetrate the best of us...we're usually not left any choice, gotta do this for the greater good...
now, the other thing, i had been showering at a friend's place because the 'bath system' at my tiny temporary disgusting apartment sucks, cold water, no 'shower' and a cramped environment...and that guy let me, he did express some dislike when he thought our boxers got mixed up (they didn't,it was a funny misunderstanding) and even more when i slipped and fell on his sink, breaking it in the process (not even his, his roommate's) so the next time i showed u at his place (by now i had taken it for granted that he 'doesn't mind') he told me pretty diplomatically that it was 'enough' and stuff and he doesn't want me to take bath there anymore...so, i was kind a disappointed but not upset, coz it was ok, it wasn't exactly a necessity, i was just doing it coz i could...so, it was good that said friend gathered up the balls to tell me not to :) saying 'no' is an important skill...i don't exactly look like a person people want to deny stuff (i really don't mind though, like another friend almost very correctly said, i hardly get upset!!)people are always trying to be diplomatic, and this too is another vicious circle and again i sound like a hypocrite because even i cannot say no to people...life would be much easier if i could, I'm just trying to survive in this world man, cut me some slack (everybody deserves to be cut some slack, but we all suck at that too) im not a saint, but neither is anybody else...there are so many needs of the world you have to fulfill, you have to be helpful, borderline empathic (they all expect you to show oodles of empathy, but they show a bare minimum of it themselves) and 'normal' enough for the world to accept you, if i could, i would shun all 'extra' obligations and friends, sit at home (my nice new 'private' home, not the one with the roommates)...eat..sleep...come only for classes....and communicate only via facebook or something...but that's how 'social life' takes you away from this awkward stunted vision...you want to come around after college, listen to bullshit spoken by people...gotta see certain people...need the company of some people you like and people you have become too used to, indulge in certain activities that are entertaining (movies, gaming)...you gotta somehow have good clothes and also figure out a way to wear them well so that the world doesn't call you an 'uncivilized freak', some people are able to carry of that look, me too sometimes, but it's nice to dress slightly attractively sometimes :) makes ya feel nice...why? because you know it's raising people's opinion of you, we're all made of other people's opinions at the end of the day.....
random thought: do you need, all that companionship that you're all so proud to have?? "ooh i have so many friends, they love me so much" are you really proud of all our friends?? or are most of them there just to passively use you while you're under the impression of 'being cared for'...?? ?
----------------
Now playing: Yeah yeah yeahs - They don't love you like I love you
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
deep and meaningless
exam time could easily be the most boring ever...usually you give someone a call and go for dinner or meet up for coffee or something (this sounds terribly similar to a casual date with someone of the opposite sex but sadly, it isn't, I'm referring to my male friends).
now during 'exam time', every minute spent outside having even the quintessential 'dinner' seems full of some kind of guilt...not heavy guilt, just a feeling of "fuck, we should be back home studying"
it's not like I'm so social a person that i can't live without going out with my friends and eating, but it's become part of my routine and not exactly avoidable (I'm not heavily inclined to avoid my friends either)
before i switch to my "hmmm, what should i write today?" mode...I'd like to say something about my last post....in no way was i undermining the obvious 'talent' of the people who can just somehow make every phrase in a set of phrases rhyme with the one above... (how in the name of the devil does one do that?)
writing angry and dark lyrics seems like a great way to 'let stuff out', now that, is something everyone is always trying to do even more than the 'romantic' ones...it's usually something on the lines of 'hate', 'being ignored' and 'suffering', well...not everyone is in love, so somebody has to write about these too, which some feel more than others, and more than other emotions...
ok, now, i don't have much to write about...had some thoughts, they've kinda managed to sip my mind, Grrrr.....
i just realized that facebook can be really really addictive...the best place to stalk someone, hehe...i dunno why they generalize 'stalkers', everyone, is always, stalking somebody or the other...there is always someone you wanna know more about...and will do all the simple simple un-extreme things you can anonymously do..to do just that!! snooping/stalking is a pretty fun activity, everyone does it, we're all a bit curious and a bit perverted...and the internet facilitates it anyways...it's a boring life, gotta have some adventure and stupid pointless entertaining fun around here ;) i don't see anybody with the 'perfect life' here...nobody who you ca be jealous of, we're all losers at different levels..and it's all cool this way :) ah, beautiful beautiful cruel merciless world...what would we do without the little quirks in all you humans....
----------------
Now playing: Rooster - You're So Right For Me
via FoxyTunes
random thought: you realize it's so hard to find someone you can completely completely trust?? and that it actually is so much better this way????
now during 'exam time', every minute spent outside having even the quintessential 'dinner' seems full of some kind of guilt...not heavy guilt, just a feeling of "fuck, we should be back home studying"
it's not like I'm so social a person that i can't live without going out with my friends and eating, but it's become part of my routine and not exactly avoidable (I'm not heavily inclined to avoid my friends either)
before i switch to my "hmmm, what should i write today?" mode...I'd like to say something about my last post....in no way was i undermining the obvious 'talent' of the people who can just somehow make every phrase in a set of phrases rhyme with the one above... (how in the name of the devil does one do that?)
writing angry and dark lyrics seems like a great way to 'let stuff out', now that, is something everyone is always trying to do even more than the 'romantic' ones...it's usually something on the lines of 'hate', 'being ignored' and 'suffering', well...not everyone is in love, so somebody has to write about these too, which some feel more than others, and more than other emotions...
ok, now, i don't have much to write about...had some thoughts, they've kinda managed to sip my mind, Grrrr.....
i just realized that facebook can be really really addictive...the best place to stalk someone, hehe...i dunno why they generalize 'stalkers', everyone, is always, stalking somebody or the other...there is always someone you wanna know more about...and will do all the simple simple un-extreme things you can anonymously do..to do just that!! snooping/stalking is a pretty fun activity, everyone does it, we're all a bit curious and a bit perverted...and the internet facilitates it anyways...it's a boring life, gotta have some adventure and stupid pointless entertaining fun around here ;) i don't see anybody with the 'perfect life' here...nobody who you ca be jealous of, we're all losers at different levels..and it's all cool this way :) ah, beautiful beautiful cruel merciless world...what would we do without the little quirks in all you humans....
----------------
Now playing: Rooster - You're So Right For Me
via FoxyTunes
random thought: you realize it's so hard to find someone you can completely completely trust?? and that it actually is so much better this way????
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
"aren't we all great writers?"
"aren't we all great writers?" this was my msn nick sometime ago (maybe still is,will have to check)
when i look at song lyrics, or poems, or read one of these strange books with a million metaphors being used for explaining something as simple as "it was a monsoon day, and (duh) it was raining in so and so village" i feel intimidated...i mean, not anymore...ok let's change the topic.
song lyrics and poems (let's stick to these) are usually so well written, the romantic words (i guess it's understood by now that im not talking about death metal lyrics here) the splattering of feelings across the world's eyes...and it seems like this display of talent, but it's much more than that, the person writing these lyrics, is totally opening up his/her heart for all to see, not everyone can do that...maybe i have feelings inside me more intense than those of the song im listening to, but can i build-up the courage to put them out to the world? isn't every boy of my age trying to build up a strong,manly image for the world to see?? the writers and the poets are considered 'sensitive men'. i think they're the strong ones...all us others don't have the balls to let the world know the degree of our feelings, that we care, about other things than all things sexual....everything is inherently cheesy if it involves the 'L' word (referring to 'Love' here) note: this discussion isn't applicable only to the boys, but people in general...
for people who know me, i know i know i sound like a hypocrite because i find almost everything cheesy, but cmon, cut me some slack here....somethings are way too cheesy to be 'romantic' from any angle except the bollywood one!!
recently I've come across some words written by a couple of friends, something scribbled at the back of a notebook....something floating around as a note on facebook...something blogged away at an unknown link....i feel for these people. the secret writer's misery is even worse than the song lyrics writer...somethings can't be put in words, even more impossible is to put these things in rhymes, but for those who manage it and can let someone read it. hats off...you got balls. i feel intensely, but the last thing i would want to do is complicate my life by putting my feelings 'out there', this blog might be a nice place to let stuff out..but not everything :) some words are best left unspoken....
if i ever triad to write a song, poem or something...I'd probably not get a word out out of my fear of mockery...it's a sad, sad world. you can't care 'zero' about it. people suck, gotta deal with it...
----------------
Now playing: The Perishers - Weekends
via FoxyTunes
when i look at song lyrics, or poems, or read one of these strange books with a million metaphors being used for explaining something as simple as "it was a monsoon day, and (duh) it was raining in so and so village" i feel intimidated...i mean, not anymore...ok let's change the topic.
song lyrics and poems (let's stick to these) are usually so well written, the romantic words (i guess it's understood by now that im not talking about death metal lyrics here) the splattering of feelings across the world's eyes...and it seems like this display of talent, but it's much more than that, the person writing these lyrics, is totally opening up his/her heart for all to see, not everyone can do that...maybe i have feelings inside me more intense than those of the song im listening to, but can i build-up the courage to put them out to the world? isn't every boy of my age trying to build up a strong,manly image for the world to see?? the writers and the poets are considered 'sensitive men'. i think they're the strong ones...all us others don't have the balls to let the world know the degree of our feelings, that we care, about other things than all things sexual....everything is inherently cheesy if it involves the 'L' word (referring to 'Love' here) note: this discussion isn't applicable only to the boys, but people in general...
for people who know me, i know i know i sound like a hypocrite because i find almost everything cheesy, but cmon, cut me some slack here....somethings are way too cheesy to be 'romantic' from any angle except the bollywood one!!
recently I've come across some words written by a couple of friends, something scribbled at the back of a notebook....something floating around as a note on facebook...something blogged away at an unknown link....i feel for these people. the secret writer's misery is even worse than the song lyrics writer...somethings can't be put in words, even more impossible is to put these things in rhymes, but for those who manage it and can let someone read it. hats off...you got balls. i feel intensely, but the last thing i would want to do is complicate my life by putting my feelings 'out there', this blog might be a nice place to let stuff out..but not everything :) some words are best left unspoken....
if i ever triad to write a song, poem or something...I'd probably not get a word out out of my fear of mockery...it's a sad, sad world. you can't care 'zero' about it. people suck, gotta deal with it...
----------------
Now playing: The Perishers - Weekends
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, October 13, 2007
not much to say, got much to do......
often we get a sort of 'negative vibe' from people and wonder- "what's wrong, did i do something that he/she doesn't like but isn't telling me? why don't these assholes come out with it huh? why be cowards and hide their true opinion of me? why doesn't he/she rise up to the challenge, confront me and tell me what he/she thinks of me??"
now, have you ever stopped and wondered, would you ever do the same?? would you just go confront your close friends and tell them that they're annoying and wish did not exist at times? the answer is no... (in most cases, unless you're feeling mean,hehe, but jokes apart...) we have learned to live with all our friends' flaws and are cool with it, can't expect my friend to be like, not an asshole at all, at times everyone's allowed to be a prick...it's entertaining :)and keeps the spontaneity in the group...some people who are way too perfect are disliked too...in the "what did this person learn in his earlier years?? how can he/she be/act so naive??" stuff like that....sometimes you learn to adore a person's flaws..but we're not gonna discuss that..er...also to be clear, this isn't exactly a discussion forum,just a blog :)
in other news, me and two of my non-smoking friend(s) were feeling bored and making statements like "man i wish we guys had something for pure timepass like these smokers, something non addictive, not harmful for health,and enjoyable" and so we set out to try these ultra low tobacco/nicotine (apparently flavored?) cigarettes called gudang garam now these were supposed to taste/feel like cloves and such, but it was such a horrible experience!! why do people smoke anything??i hate the feeling of smoke on me...my hands smelled weird after trying it....lame...stale smell...i would never be able to make out with someone who smelled like smoke (one of my friends shares this opinion of mine)!!!
so it was a bad experience, all we did was crib about cigarettes and smokers the rest of the night....
in even more recent news, me and three of my friends, on two bikes went to this beautiful amazing heavenly place in some hills some kilometers behind his house...and had an awesome time there :) there we indulged in some cool exhilarating off-roading 'exercises' on our bikes, checked out some fun obstacle course things,we even followed a stream to reach a hidden-ish waterfall, had a great time overall...will be going there with more people again some time later...
nothing much going on besides all this....going on....living in a world with flaws like it has taught us to...it's all pretty uphill. bah!!! i need to see a goodmovie, 'next' sucked, bad animation,sucky story,dumb acting....
'the brave one' is the only good movie I've seen this month....thoroughly impressed.
'bhool bhulaiya' had it's humorous moments, but otherwise was a drag
'feast of love' was entertaining,but pretty predictable....i liked it anyways :)
I've been pretty happy happy this month, there is this song called 'into yesterday' by 'sugar ray' that's so uplifting....really nice. have been going on more of my late night musical walks, and have been really enjoying them too. also have had some temper losses during the month, but anyways, my temper is very short lived like always, so i can barely remember anything to write about these..'angry' events....
im slowly finishing off long overdue chores from my to-do list, preparing to finally shift out of this hell-hole and into my new house...which im gonna so enjoy living in, ah....even thinking about it makes me crave that life, damn....
random thought:-
it's hard to move on in life when the feelings at the 'back of your head' are like a ten tonne anchor telling you "yeah right, go ahead, you couldn't win here, what you gonna do elsewhere?" in these situations is it still the 'back' of your head?? or a dominating mutated obsessive overall brain disorder egging you to take drastic measures??
now, have you ever stopped and wondered, would you ever do the same?? would you just go confront your close friends and tell them that they're annoying and wish did not exist at times? the answer is no... (in most cases, unless you're feeling mean,hehe, but jokes apart...) we have learned to live with all our friends' flaws and are cool with it, can't expect my friend to be like, not an asshole at all, at times everyone's allowed to be a prick...it's entertaining :)and keeps the spontaneity in the group...some people who are way too perfect are disliked too...in the "what did this person learn in his earlier years?? how can he/she be/act so naive??" stuff like that....sometimes you learn to adore a person's flaws..but we're not gonna discuss that..er...also to be clear, this isn't exactly a discussion forum,just a blog :)
in other news, me and two of my non-smoking friend(s) were feeling bored and making statements like "man i wish we guys had something for pure timepass like these smokers, something non addictive, not harmful for health,and enjoyable" and so we set out to try these ultra low tobacco/nicotine (apparently flavored?) cigarettes called gudang garam now these were supposed to taste/feel like cloves and such, but it was such a horrible experience!! why do people smoke anything??i hate the feeling of smoke on me...my hands smelled weird after trying it....lame...stale smell...i would never be able to make out with someone who smelled like smoke (one of my friends shares this opinion of mine)!!!
so it was a bad experience, all we did was crib about cigarettes and smokers the rest of the night....
in even more recent news, me and three of my friends, on two bikes went to this beautiful amazing heavenly place in some hills some kilometers behind his house...and had an awesome time there :) there we indulged in some cool exhilarating off-roading 'exercises' on our bikes, checked out some fun obstacle course things,we even followed a stream to reach a hidden-ish waterfall, had a great time overall...will be going there with more people again some time later...
nothing much going on besides all this....going on....living in a world with flaws like it has taught us to...it's all pretty uphill. bah!!! i need to see a goodmovie, 'next' sucked, bad animation,sucky story,dumb acting....
'the brave one' is the only good movie I've seen this month....thoroughly impressed.
'bhool bhulaiya' had it's humorous moments, but otherwise was a drag
'feast of love' was entertaining,but pretty predictable....i liked it anyways :)
I've been pretty happy happy this month, there is this song called 'into yesterday' by 'sugar ray' that's so uplifting....really nice. have been going on more of my late night musical walks, and have been really enjoying them too. also have had some temper losses during the month, but anyways, my temper is very short lived like always, so i can barely remember anything to write about these..'angry' events....
im slowly finishing off long overdue chores from my to-do list, preparing to finally shift out of this hell-hole and into my new house...which im gonna so enjoy living in, ah....even thinking about it makes me crave that life, damn....
random thought:-
it's hard to move on in life when the feelings at the 'back of your head' are like a ten tonne anchor telling you "yeah right, go ahead, you couldn't win here, what you gonna do elsewhere?" in these situations is it still the 'back' of your head?? or a dominating mutated obsessive overall brain disorder egging you to take drastic measures??
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
