The agony (comedy?) of the one-sided crush

Ok, this is a topic I haven't touched in my blog, or anything, ever before.
But before I start let me make this clear that I am not experienced at all in relationships, I've had one 'excuse for a relationship', long distance too!! And that's bout it, and we hardly had anything in common, etc etc, blah blah, you really can’t envy me, it was hard and nerve wracking.

Now, every single person has a kind of one sided crush, or something, for a person they know, or don’t know (of ur one of the 'don’t know' people then please snap out of it, pretty faces don't mean anything, get to know em ppl) and it sucks, and im not talking about "you should let the person know" or "speak up before its too late" like those cheesy emails, if the person liked you, you would obviously know, but if the person views you as a friend (or worse still, a stranger!!, in which case u should stop being one) then its hard, coz you know the person likes you (hopefully hen she actually does, coz some people are really good at being 'polite') but not the way you like them. And by the way, if you think im being a bit too hard on the 'I like him/her but he/she doesn’t even know me' type of people, think about it, what would you ever talk to him/her about eventually if you can’t do that now? And what makes you think that as right now he/she isn't talking to you, they would want to later? You gotta at least befriend em, I think.

Also, one thing that scares me and im sure any other person in my position to death, is, that if i were dating that person, what would i have to do to keep the other person interested?? I hope I don’t have to do so much, I hope she/he doesn’t start being 'polite' eventually and break up out of 'boredom' or 'this is not working' as problems, 'not dating yet' seems more comfortable than a 'bad dating regime' if you think too much about it. the word 'dating', and not the word 'relationship', scares the shit out of me….not having an unlimited supply of money sucks!! (though I don't think it would make me feel soooo much better either, is this even relevant??)

im an emo person who has never actually been in a serious (or casual) relationship, and I know, that even if I did get into one, and it wasn’t with the gal I like, it would feel weird and fake-ish, coz it hardly has anything to do with making out or something, its more of the missing "man she couldn’t be more awesome, nobody compares to her" feeling you get, comparing the girl you want with the girl you have, being single isn't pathetic, its just the insecurity of the one slipping away by the minute, constantly eating up a perfectly normal, emotionally capable person... (I know the words "the one" are pukable, but think of it as simple English and not the shit they cook up in movies and novels,or maybe not)

Why most one-sided crushes are in fact, 'one sided' and usually 'anonymous' (except to really close friends) is because of the fear of your comfortable cocoon of anonymity or 'friendship' being taken away, coz if you are friends, and you try to ask her out, and she rejects ya!! you might get this awkwardness amongst you, and if ur a stranger, you might start getting intentionally avoided. The negatives are far less horrible in degree than the degree of happiness in the positive, but the degree of the risk exceeds everything , and there you go, vicious circle…

Well, all you can hope is that someday the gal/guy goes crazy and falls for you :-D or you could go ask em out (too bad if they're committed/spoken for) but usually for asking someone out you've gotta be very sure, or very stupid, and the 'very sure' feeling is like a myth (at least to me), but the very stupid (and you usually won't get her/him) is kinda common, fools falling for 'pretty faces' end up in this position. I'm so done with running after just pretty faces, id rather hang with someone who I cherish just being with than someone who just looks good on my arm. The attraction to the person you actually like elevates higher and higher as you get to know them better, and it has nothing to do with their looks.

I guess that's about all I can write about this situation, fantasies of great romances continue…..no I'm not being sarcastic or cynical, really.

justice is all we need, not peace, not food for everyone, just justice, everything else follows.

ok, so here's the thing, i had a tiff with somebody on orkut, he claimed to be a big politician's grandson (im not naming anyone here coz its not supposed to be 'sensible' according to everyone in my family) and i was told to remove the minutes of the same from a community, that dude threatened me and stuff too, actually he had been sending irritating messages to someone close to me, and was a real loser about her not giving a damn bout him, and so i sent him some messages (scraps, in the orkut world) to knock some sense into him, and evry1 in my family got into a bunch, why?? coz i did something 'stupid' and 'dangerous' yeah so my family (my dad to be precise) is looking out for us, doesnt want us to get into trouble, and i appreciate him for that, but what bites me is that i had to take the 'sensible' decision, and not the right one. the world needs to be without fear, politician's offsprings get the power they don't deserve due to fear, im not saying that the involved politician was bad or doesnt deserve the power, its just that his grandson misuses the power he wasnt supposed to have in the first place, he doesnt scare me, but i really love my father (it doesnt show much, but i do, he's like a hero who rose up to be an awesomely honest self-made successful man unlike certain brothers of his) , and i can't put him through the worry, however miniscule.

its a sad sad state we live in, i know that if the person mentioned here reads this, he wud brag to his friends about how he 'scared' me, but we all know who's the loser here don't we??

i swear when i grow up and don't depend on my family, im gonna make em proud, and give the world the justice it needs, the jolt it needs, this fight never will end, there will always be the fixers and the believers, this is not a promise, its a guideline...to conquer fear you gotta let go, and although people think i "can't even live without my ipod" and according to my mother im a 'coward' and a 'fool' to be writing stuff on the internet and not having the guts to actually face the consequences and get bashed up, i can endure more than anyone can imagine.....

justice, sweet justice, sweet sweet justice is all we bloody need, everyone should get what they deserve, good or bad, in the right proportion, and the ones responsible for this 'distribution' are no-one but all of us on the streets, in the colleges, the guy on the scooter next to you at the traffic signal looking out for his family in a middle class home trying to stay out of trouble (this is not a reference to my family exactly), as a collective, there is no trouble,.and you don't succumb to fear, you breed fear. the regulators are our choice, our gift and only due to us, do they become our curse....

man im burning inside, its unexplainable.